Engagement Revisited

Perhaps it's a little bit cocky to say that I think the post on my previous blog could be valuable resources for people as they face certain issues.  But, if I didn't feel that way, why would I have written them in the first place?  So, if anyone asks for specific posts or topics from my previous blog, I'll look to revisit them here.  Topic #1 is engagement:

"This is a touchy subject. As I begin to write, I find myself hesitant to write because I know I'll need to tread gently due to the life experiences of my potential audience. I pray that I can walk the line to speak authoritatively, but gently. . . .

When you become engaged, to whom are you promising? Your fiance(e).
I know, I've heard people say, 'When you get engaged, you're married in God's eyes.' I don't think I've ever heard this from a pastor or a teacher, so I'm not sure where this thought has come from, but it is wrong! God says that a man will leave his father and mother to become one with his wife. This isn't some bachelor movin' in with his girlfriend. No, it's a young man making his commitment in the eyes of his parents, society and God that he will be united to this woman for the rest of his life. Is this what happens in engagement? His friends may view him as tied down for the rest of his life, but has he voiced this commitment before society and God? No. Society says that in order to be committed for the rest of your life in their eyes, you need to sign on the dotted line along with an authorized representative.

I'ma just come right out and say it: Can you have sex when you're engaged?
. . .
No.
When you've made your promise to another person that you will marry them, you have promised to them that you will commit to them for the rest of your life. You have not publicly pronounced that commitment before God and his people. So, until you make that before God, his people, and his other kingdom (the state), don't do it.

So, if the promise of an engagement is not so binding that you can consummate it, can you break it off at your own will?
Certainly not.
While the commitment you have made is not one that takes place before God and his people, it is a commitment nonetheless. When you say that you will marry someone, you are making a promise. If you promise someone that you'll give them half your cheese curds at lunch and you don't do it, that's a sin. If you promise someone that you'll marry them and you don't, that's a sin too. I'm going to go on the record and say that there can be cases of casuistry and that what I said is not necessarily absolute, but I don't intend to go into those here. This is getting long enough as it is.

You just heard the news from a friend, "I'm engaged!" You're not really sure how you feel about these people getting engaged at this time. So, how do you react?
Given that we've established that breaking an engagement is not the right thing to do, once a couple is engaged, Shut your mouth. Voice your doubts when a couple is dating. If you voice your doubts when a couple is already engaged, you are encouraging them to sin. Don't be that guy. If you think it's too soon, shut up. If you're not sure if they're really compatible, shut up. If you find that person's fiance(e) annoying, shut the heck up. Instead, encourage the couple to figure out how they can love one another more perfectly and fulfill the roles that God has given them in marriage."

Now to add a little bit more to an already lengthy post:
I did not intend to say, "never address any concerns you have with an engaged couple."  You should talk with your engaged and married friends about concerns you have, just like you should with your single friends.  However, don't do so in such a way that discourages people from keeping their promises.

Any questions?